Everyone makes mistakes
by cactus452
Summary: After Breaking Dawn. Bella kills someone and Jasper helps her come to terms with the guilt. Brother/Sister
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.**

I ran.

Shame and guilt chocked me.

I prayed Edward wouldn't follow me, hoping Alice would see I didn't want that.

I needed to be alone.

Hours past before someone came looking for me. I frowned at the familiar scent wondering why they'd sent him.

"Bella."

I glanced up into Jasper's concerned gold eyes, breaking eye contact as the guilt rolled through me again, trying to hide my, now, red eyes.

He stopped a short distance from me and the guilt was replaced by calm.

I tried to glare at him, I wanted to feel the guilt, I deserved it after what I'd done.

"No one should feel that guilty." was his response.

"I killed someone." I was shocked I'd said it aloud.

"I know."

He waited calmly for me to say something more but I couldn't. Saying it out loud made it seem more real.

I had taken a life, the calm Jasper was creating prevented me breaking down.

There was one less person in the world because of me, I had stolen someone's husband, brother, son.

A sob broke out echoing through the trees.

Jasper placed a hesitant hand on my arm, I pulled away from his sympathy.

I wanted to feel, it was my punishment.

"Bella."

Anger took over, why couldn't they just leave me alone?

"No Jasper. I killed someone." I screamed "That's not okay, that will never be okay."

I stormed around hitting the trees ripping off branches, I couldn't stand feeling like this I whirled around to face Jasper.

All the guilt and pain twisted into rage directed straight at him.

I growled loudly but he simply stood calmly watching me. Unaffected by my aggression.

"Is that why you came to gloat?" I spat at him "Or is it because you know more about killing humans than the others?"

As soon as the words were out of my mouth I wanted to force them back in. I had no idea what made me say that.

Pain flashed across his face before the calm mask fell back into place.

He glanced at the floor "Something like that."

I stared in shock for about two minutes.

Jasper moved to sit against a fallen tree indicating for me to join him.

He took a deep breath and began to talk, staring at his hands.

"Emmett is a bit busy restraining Edward. Alice knew you wouldn't want to talk to him yet. She suggested." he grinned at the word and I couldn't help mirror it, Alice didn't suggest things she demanded them. "That I talk to you. As you so eloquently put it, I do know how it feels."

I winced "Jasper…"

He held up a hand to stop me.

"You're upset." he stated.

Another deep breath and he continued "I know how it feels when you think the guilt will consume you, and you want it to because you deserve it.

Not just because you took a life but because you let your family down."

I nodded slowly.

"There have been many times I've… slipped since joining the Cullen's, many nights I've spent in similar spots drowning in guilt and self loathing.

Many times I've made the decision to leave to stop hurting them."

I was surprised by his open honesty.

Even after two years as a vampire I hadn't really spent any time with just Jasper.

There was still a space between us, although he was my brother it was just a label rather than any emotional bond.

"What stopped you?"

He smiled softly and I knew the answer before he spoke.

"At first it was just Alice. As much as it hurt to know I'd let her down I knew how much it would hurt her if I left." he sighed leaning back " After a few years I began to realise it would hurt Esme as well, and Emmett. I guess that's the first time I actually thought of them as family."

I was taken back by this in depth look into Jasper's life.

"No one was ever angry, well Rosalie was but that's just Rose."

I looked down worried, it had taken so long for me to be accepted by Rosalie, had I just ruined it all?

"The good thing about my gift, I know it's just a front."

I looked up to meet Jasper's eyes.

"She acted angry but deep down she was as concerned as the others."

He smiled shyly at me.

"Don't tell her I said that though."

I felt my own smile tug at my lips.

Sighing he became serious again.

"Everyone of us struggles Bella. Even Carlisle, though it's hard to believe.

When me and Emmett joke about keeping count, or betting on your newborn year, it's are way of coping with what we are.

By joking and being open about it, it helps you realise that slipping up is part of this life.

I don't mean that to sound callous, we all care, we all feel when someone dies because of what we are."

He looked me straight in the eye.

"But dwelling on it will destroy you. Believe me."

He paused for a second as though deciding if he should continue.

"Before we met the Cullen's, when it was just Alice and me. I'd just started feeding off animals and I slipped up." he winced "I killed three people. I was so ashamed I fled, I was heading back South when she finally caught me."

He smiled lost in the memory.

"It was the first time I listened when she said it wasn't my fault.

She told me it was just instinct. Something that happens too fast for us to control, or for her to see."

He looked at me.

"Alice can never see it because we never make a conscious decision to do it."

I looked down "Doesn't change the fact I killed someone."

"No it doesn't." he admitted.

My head shot up in shock, then the relief washed through me.

This was why I hadn't wanted Edward, as much as I loved him.

He would have kept telling me it wasn't my fault, I had done nothing wrong. He probably would have blamed himself in some twisted way.

Jasper was admitting it was wrong, but there was no judgement or pity in his eyes just acceptance and understanding.

"Bella everyone in this family knows what you're going through. You slipped, you may do it again some day. But we will never think less of you for it, we will never stop loving you."

Calm washed over me again, but it wasn't Jasper's gift that caused it, it was his words.

"Thank you." I whispered.

He smiled at me "What are big brothers for?"


	2. Chapter 2

**Mistakes made.**

**This was originally part of a fic i was working on about Alice and Jasper before they met the Cullen's, but so many other people have done that (Better than me)**

**that I've given up on it. However, I thought this would be a nice companion piece to 'Everyone makes mistakes'.**

**It's the time when Jasper slips thats he tell's Bella about.**

**Enjoy.**

**Alice POV**

We were heading to the Rockies.

I still had no idea where to find the Cullen's and it was a safe place for Jasper to become accustomed to his new diet.

We were walking at human speed happy just being together when disaster struck.

The wind picked up bringing with it the enticing scent of humans.

Decades of self control allowed me to swallow the venom that formed in my mouth despite the lack of warning.

I quickly turned to try and restrain Jasper but his hand ripped from mine, a feral snarl ripping from his throat as he took off.

"Jasper!"

His eyes flickered back to me, they were pitch black.

I froze in shock for a split second and he was gone.

I took off after him but knew there was no way I'd be able to catch him.

_Brilliant Alice! Bloody brilliant!_

I cursed myself over and over for letting this happen.

_You were meant to be keeping a closer eye on things!_

I pushed myself harder until the scent of fresh blood washed over me.

Venom pooled in my mouth and rational thought vanished, somehow I forced myself to stop moving, stop breathing.

It's to late.

All I could see in my head was Jasper's face, after I'd found him in the alley in Philadelphia, full of despair and self loathing.

My eyes burned as the need to cry almost overwhelmed me.

I had let him down.

I slowly managed to pull myself together until I fund the humans, or at least what was left of them.

I felt like I wanted to throw up.

I still wasn't breathing which allowed me a clear head to view the carnage Jasper had reaped.

There had been at least 3 people, now reduced to a bloody mass of limbs and organs.

My stomach heaved again as I mechanically tried to clean the area so it wasn't found.

I felt like I should give them a proper burial but there wasn't time.

Jasper was still running and I had to find him.

I gathered all the pieces together in a pile trying not to actually think about what I was doing.

"Sorry." I managed to sob out before starting a fire.

The guilt flooded me and my eyes burned again but I pushed it all back, I had to focus now, I needed to find Jasper.

**Jasper**

As the sweet blood rolled down my throat caressing away the burn I let out a content sigh.

Why did I ever try to give it up?

Golden eyes flooded my head as I thought it.

Alice.

The rest of the world refocused around me.

Where was Alice?

I blinked slowly trying to work backwards. Before I caught the scent…

My eyes took in the devastation around me, my stomach retched.

Had I done this?

Nothing was left that even slightly resembled a human.

Their shock and terror ripped through me then, an echo from the attack.

My knees buckled sending me crashing to the ground, self disgust dragging me down.

I hadn't just killed them to satisfy my thirst I'd completely decimated them.

A dry broken sob shook my frame.

My hands were shaking in front of me as I tried to wipe the blood and gore off but it was no use.

_Was it worth it Jasper _a voice taunted in my head _imagine what Alice will think when she sees what you truly are._

I sprang to my feet eyes wide, my head shot from the direction I knew Alice would arrive from to the path leading me way from her.

I ached to hold her, hear her reassurances that it was okay, feel her never ending love and devotion.

_Like she could love you after this._

I bolted, I was a coward, I couldn't face her, I'd let her down.

She could find the Cullen's on her own.

She was better off without me, she'd be happier.

All I did was ruin lives.

My slowly healing heart broke into a thousand pieces as I fled from her.

I knew without a doubt if I had Alice in my life I'd be able to heal from the despair of my past.

I had been happy with her.

But my happiness was not worth dragging Alice down, making her suffer from what I was.

I shook my head trying to clear my thoughts.

Focussing on the rhythm of running but my memories betrayed me.

I felt a phantom presence beside me, her hand in mine as we matched pace perfectly.

God I missed her.

I began to slow.

Maybe…

NO!

I shook my head violently.

Time to stop being a coward Jasper.

I took a deep breath and stood tall, turning to face South.

I sent a silent heartfelt thank you to Alice for giving me ten months filled with more happiness than I thought I could ever feel before starting my final journey.

**Alice**

The vision slammed into me like a physical blow.

"No!" I screamed out.

Staggering to a halt as I saw Jasper's decision.

My breathing sped up as the world around me became a blur.

I was shaking so hard I couldn't focus on anything.

How could he?

I tried to pull myself together, I knew where he was heading, there had to be a away to intercept him, stop him before…

I let the visions run through my head quickly trying to find a way to get to him.

I'd have to be quick, the timing was to close for me to be happy, but what choice did I have?

I had to stop him.

Refusing to think of what would happen if I were to late. I took off pushing myself as fast as I could.

I couldn't even begin to comprehend why he had decided to do this.

Doesn't he understand how much I need him?

What was I going to do without him?

Stop thinking that Alice you'll reach him in time.

You have to.

I cleared my mind focusing on the future to see if Jasper would change his mind.

As things stood I would reach him before he got to far south.

What would happen then…

I'd worry about that when I'd stopped him.

Catching his scent I slowed, waiting.

As soon as he saw me he stopped. The stunned look on his face would have been amusing in any other situation.

I couldn't think what to say I simply glared, the hurt I was feeling would be obvious to him.

His gaze dropped and he took a step away.

"I'm so sorry." he whispered.

I stepped forward, my insides froze as he stepped back again.

"Jasper." I chocked out, my chest heaved as I took in unneeded air.

He shied away from the pain I was feeling at the distance he kept between us.

I just wanted, no needed, to be in his arms.

"Alice please."

"No!" I couldn't let him go.

"I can't hurt you anymore."

"Then don't go."

He shook his head slowly.

"Do you really think this is the answer?" my voice got stronger as my anger rose.

He couldn't do this to me!

He still wouldn't look at me, his eyes flickered past me.

He was planning on running again.

"Don't you dare."

I growled leaping towards him and locking my arms around him.

He tried to pull away.

"You can't leave me, you can't ever leave me."

"I can't do this Alice." his voice was quiet, defeated.

"It wasn't your fault." I wailed trying to make him understand.

He let out a humourless laugh but didn't speak.

The guilt rose in me, I shouldn't have let this happen.

"Don't." he growled "Don't feel guilty, that just makes it worse, do you think I blame you for my weakness?"

I tried to push down the guilt.

"Your not weak Jasper."

It was barley a whisper as I hugged him tightly.

"It's just instinct, it happens to fast for you to control it, or for me to see it.

Don't you understand that, it's not your fault because you never made a conscious decision to hurt anyone."

"I should be able to control it." he growled wallowing in his own self loathing.

It made me angry, angry at whoever had done this to him, taken all his hope and self belief, left him drifting in dispair.

"Stop it!" I hissed pulling back to glare at him again "You think you're the only person who's ever made a mistake, you think I didn't struggle when I first decided to hunt animals.

Stop expecting miracles, it isn't easy, your bound to slip, I did .

It doesn't make you weak, if anything it makes you stronger, if you decide to carry on trying that is."

I continued to glare at him wondering if my words were having any affect.

They usually didn't.

"Damn it Jasper! I love you so much and it kills me to see you like this , especially when you wont let me hel…"

My sentence was cut off as he crashed his lips to mine, his hands wrapped around the tops of my arms which had fallen limply to my side.

My knees buckled sending us crashing to the ground his lips still attached to mine.

He broke away trailing kisses up to my ear where he whispered

"I love you too."


End file.
